Don’t get me wrong.. I’m trying to look on the bright side and hope that everything I’m going through right now gets “better”- but I think there’s something to be said about admitting the way you feel, even if its rather ugly. 

 Its now 20 days until Christmas (yes.. I know.. shut up..) and my husband hasn’t been paid at work for over 2 weeks.. going into a third. I’m doing the bit where you first empty all of your pockets, then wrap up the change for groceries, and finally start shopping at Walmart because you have a few things with the tags still hanging on them (damn, I loved that scarf and was looking forward to wearing it at Christmas) and they do store credit.  We do have one present (a digital camera and mini-printer we bought on sale at Big Lots last month) for Munchkin for under the tree already but I’m starting to wonder what else will get put under there with it. 

 I’m angry that we’re being put in this postition again by another one of husband’s bosses without any care as to how we’re going to do simple things like put gas in the car or buy milk.  I really try not to be negative in respect to how someone is going to treat us..  but I just can’t help being gun-shy at this point.  Husband is starting another job in a week but I’m not sure when he’ll recieve his first paycheck. Rent is late and half of what it should be, I’m holding off our car insurance from being cancelled, the water company and I got into it last week, and I just had to borrow money from my MIL to pay Munchkin’s lunch ticket for the week.

All this and I’m sitting here staring at two packages of brand new Addi Turbos and another skein of Blue Sky Alpaca in eggplant (didn’t have enough yardage..) that I bought about 2+ weeks ago before the shit hit the fan. I know full well that the return policy of this particular shop is going to be store credit only.. if they’ll even return any of it, so I’m basically stuck with this stuff.  I was laughing about the whole thing – that I finally (after about 3 + years of knitting) broke down and bought some good needles for my projects.. and all of the money in the house dries up! 

Instead of telling you that if you need me I’ll be under the kitchen sink drinking toxic cocktails.. I’ve thrown myself into Christmas decorating.  I went into the garage last night and dug out the tree, and the Munchkin and I decorated it all up with silver, blue & purple glittery snowflakes, irridescent icicles, and various spangly ornaments. The tree (which I usually think is rather pathetic looking) is actually getting sort of cute.. Its just a shame that its only about 6 foot tall and we have HUGE ceilings – but its bringing in some much needed ‘holiday cheer’ (yeah.. try saying that statement without vomiting..) to Chez Mousie.